Accoutrements Bacon Strips Bandages

When Timmy scraped his knee, his mom handed him a box of bacon bandages. “But I don’t like bandaids!” he whined. Then he saw the bacon strips design. Suddenly, he demanded five—one for every imaginary wound. Now the dog’s suspiciously licking his leg. Breakfast and a medical miracle?

Karen brought bacon bandages to work “for emergencies.” When Dave got a papercut, she slapped one on him. Now the office smells like a diner, Dave’s typing with a meat-themed pinky, and HR’s questioning if bacon strips count as a workplace distraction. Spoiler: Yes. Yes, they do.

I tried to impress my date by cooking bacon shirtless. Bad idea. After a grease splatter, I panicked and covered the burn with bacon bandages. She laughed so hard she snorted. Now we’re married. Moral: Bacon strips heal all wounds… and maybe win hearts.